Dear Crabby,
I’ve been in credit and collections for years and feel comfortable handling most situations. But I’m dealing with a long-time customer who is always friendly, always appreciative… and always late.
He compliments me, thanks me for my patience, and often says things like, “I’ll take care of you” or “You’re the only one I trust on this.” The problem is that the payments still don’t come on time.
I’m starting to wonder if am I being played?
Signed: Too Nice for My Own Good
Dear Too Nice,
Short answer? Yes… but not necessarily in the way you think.
What you’re experiencing is one of the most subtle, and effective, forms of payment delay. It’s not aggressive. It’s not confrontational. It’s relational. And that’s exactly why it works.
Some customers learn that if they can create a sense of familiarity, appreciation, or even mild emotional connection, they can soften enforcement without ever directly asking for concessions. They’re not always being manipulative on purpose. But they are managing the interaction in a way that benefits them.
The key risk here isn’t friendliness. It’s influence.
When a customer makes you feel valued, trusted, or “special,” it can quietly shift your behavior. You may give them more time, follow up less firmly, or hesitate to escalate. And over time, that hesitation becomes part of their payment strategy.
Here are some common phrases that should raise a flag:
- “I’ll take care of you personally”
- “You’re my favorite person to deal with”
- “I know you’ll understand”
- “We’ve always had a great relationship”
- “Don’t worry, I haven’t forgotten about you”
Individually, these sound harmless, even positive. But collectively, they can create just enough emotional friction to delay firm action.
So how do you stay professional without becoming vulnerable?
Start by separating tone from outcome. You can be friendly, courteous, and respectful, but the expectation must remain clear and unchanged. Payment is not a favor. It’s an obligation.
Here are a few practical ways to avoid being “played”:
- Anchor every conversation to specifics – Always bring the discussion back to invoice numbers, amounts, and exact payment dates. Vague conversations create room for delay.
- Acknowledge, then redirect – If a customer compliments you or gets personal, thank them briefly and immediately pivot back:
“I appreciate that but now let’s confirm the payment date for invoice 12345.” - Document commitments clearly – Follow up verbal promises with written confirmation. This reduces ambiguity and reinforces accountability.
- Watch behavior, not words – Friendly communication means nothing if commitments are consistently missed. Patterns matter more than tone.
- Be consistent across customers – Apply the same standards regardless of how likable the customer is. Consistency removes emotional bias.
Most importantly, don’t confuse relationship with reliability.
A truly strong customer relationship includes respect for your role, your terms, and your timelines. If those elements are missing, what you have isn’t a strong relationship, it’s a comfortable imbalance.
Bottom line: You don’t need to become cold or confrontational to be effective. But you do need to stay grounded in facts, not feelings.
Because in collections, the moment you start feeling special… is often the moment you need to be most careful.
Stay sharp,
Crabby
Dear Crabby is a credit, collection, and human resources advice column by Nancy Seiverd, President, CMI Credit Mediators Inc. Your thoughts and comments (nseiverd@cmiweb.com) are most welcome!
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